“For the first time in US history a generation is having to look for outside sources to gain a basic education on life, because their parents didn’t do their job.”
You’re a Millennial.
More than likely you were raised being told you were special, that you could have anything you wanted and that your feelings matter.
Then you grew up to find that none of that was true…except maybe when it came to your parents. The rest of the world didn’t give a crap about how you feel, you had to prove your were special and if you want something, and here’s the shocker—ya had to earn it.
If you’re like most of your generation, you probably feel lost, confused, irritated, angry, overwhelmed, frustrated or even worse…depressed about this whole process now labeled Adulting.
A phrase being spewed over social media platforms, mocked by popular pop culture, manipulated by brands to woo influential Millennial personalities and even used as a whipping platform by the politically charged.
You find the term talked about by bloggers, vloggers, The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Buzzfeed and even Time Magazine. The subject has become a NYTimes Bestselling book through Kelly Williams Brown and you’ll find a slew of YouTube channels dedicated to the subject, though more for gaining viewers through entertainment than any actual education.
It makes as much sense as music icons wearing a Holy Cross representing Jesus Christ while shaking their boobs, gyrating their hips and singing about committing adultery or shooting a cop.
To make matters worse, you’re being accused and criticized as an individual for what the ‘mob’ has done. Bad choices being made by a handful of dip shits, specifically on college campuses, branding Millennial’s as a whole with a ‘loser’ mark.
That’s loser with a capital “L”.
These renegade Millennials don’t speak for you, they don’t represent you—crap, they don’t even know you. Problem is they’re leaving a bad impression upon the older generation of Americans. The same Americans who provide your job, write the laws, enforce the laws and basically run the world you live in.
Thank you UC Berkeley for leading the nation in jackassery.
Where does that leave you?
All you really want is some actual knowledge on how to be an adult. Simple, clean, concise information on what to do and how to do it, right?
I mean, how are you supposed to act like an adult when your own parents never taught you how?
It sucks, I know, but the good news is, I’m going to help you.
Don’t stress, everything’s gonna be just fine.
Not only will this article make life a bit easier, you’ll understand the why behind it all so you can get the critics off your back.
Who is Jaime Buckley and Why Should You Care?
Let’s get this part out of the way quickly.
If this is the first article you’ve ever read of mine, you’re likely to wonder, “Who the hell is this guy, and why should I care what he has to say?”
Short answer is, read my About page.
Long answer is, read my About page.
Adulting: What it actually is.
Before we can have this talk, we need to be on the same page.
Any two people who want to have a productive conversation and solve a problem must have the same definitions. If words don’t mean the same thing to both parties, there’s going to be misunderstandings. Without a common starting point, we won’t be in the same book, let alone on the same page.
So listen up.
The term ‘Adulting’ refers to the process (or acts) of being an ‘adult’. It’s simply about growing up. That’s it. Crap, even the various definitions of the Urban Dictionary (which is made up by it readers) revolve around this premise. If anyone cares about the actual history and evolution of this word, they can learn about it here from Merriam-Webster. However, the specific definition I use for an “adult” in all of my materials is:
An emotionally and mentally mature person who lives by specific principles and “self-governing” rules.
Thus the process (or action) of becoming that emotionally and mentally mature person, who lives by specific principles and self-governing rules would be ‘Adulting’.
This is the definition we will use for our conversations.
It’s real, it is a verb…and it doesn’t have anything to do with age or gender. Yes, there is a generation of Millennials out there who need this material, but I know quite a few ‘adults’ who should be called something else.
So the next time you read someone spewing emotional vomit about how the term is sexist, racist, insulting, stupid or gross, just know they’re sniffing glue or have their shorts riding too high.
That being said (and now that we have the same definition), let me explain what no one’s told you up to now.
KEY #1: This is NOT Your Fault
This is where I irritate and anger the grownups in the room, because I want to make something crystal clear here:
I don’t blame Millennials for what’s going on right now. Not even the ones on campuses who are committing crimes by destroying property.
Now don’t get me wrong, they should be round up, throw in jail and prosecuted for the crimes they’ve committed, but I don’t blame them.
I blame their parents and their grandparents.
No, I’m not crazy and here’s why:
It is the responsibility of your parents to teach you about life. It is not the responsibility of public or private schools, tutors, the government or anyone else to teach you these things. That responsibility rests solely upon the shoulders of your parents.
My generation has been so fixated on their children being good at something (sports, music, academics, etc), they neglected to teach their children how to be someone (a good, balanced, productive person).
Translation: they didn’t do their their damn job…and you now get to pay the price for that neglect.
But wait, it get’s worse!
It’s our grandparents who started all this crap in the first place. One generation which affected the next, which directly affected you. The funny part is, it was all done with good intentions and love on their part.
So don’t get mad at Grammy, alright?
You see, when our grandparents were growing up during the Great Depression or just after that event, everyone had challenging lives. People worked hard for every thing they had. So hard in fact, that when our grandparents grew up, the last thing they wanted for their own kids was to make them experience the hardships they’d gone through.
So what did they do? They softened the blow and provided more than they had been given by their own parents.
This new generation lived better than their parents, and imitated that focus, shielding their own kids from the realities of life.
This well-intended cycle of protection has continued down to Millennials…who are now reaping the benefits of, well, not much.
A world full off opportunities and potential, filled with youth who haven’t been taught how to access them.
Now it’s important to state here that not all parents did this. That’s never the case—just like not all Millennials need help when it comes to Adulting. But there were enough families with this problem to create a generational epidemic.
Now, the other possibility is that you were a disrespectful little crap that didn’t pay attention when you were taught, but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.
KEY #2 The term Adulting is being used to misdirect you
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this term—but you do have to understand how it’s being used, and by whom.
Since it’s natively attached to Millennials, it doesn’t have a serious connotation. Just read the countless tweets or look up virtually any YouTube video on the subject and you’ll find a tongue-and-cheek undertone. These channels are created for entertainment, usually by Millennials themselves, which is a problem if you’re looking for serious solutions.
Again, this isn’t always the case, but you’ll be hard pressed to find someone trying to actually solve your problems. It’s all about likes, subscriptions and emails to get advertising dollars and to sell product.
So where are Millennials, the ones asking thousands of honest, heartfelt questions about how to navigate this adult environment, supposed to go?
KEY #3 Adulting is about 3 specific aspects of life
When searching for answers, you need to know what to look for. The path to becoming an adult isn’t complicated, but it is specific. When vetting a good source of information, ask yourself if it covers character development (self), the variables of society (lifestyle) and interactions with others (relationships).
Let’s cover these in a little more detail.
Character Development: This is the heart of being an adult. It’s not about being able to wash the dishes, cleaning your clothes or getting to work on time. It’s about aspects of your character that make you a good member of society.
Adulting is about having respect for your employer and being grateful for the job you have, so that you show up on time and perform above and beyond expectations. Your amazing performance will not only get the attention of those in leadership positions, it’ll lead to promotions and greater opportunities over time as well.
Variables of Society: This is dealing with life during your day to day functions. How do you obtain what you need? This isn’t just about having a job, but having a purpose within that job. How do you get the most out of life, achieve goals, dreams and build a future?
It’s about planning, adapting to the unseen and unexpected—because challenges will pop up when you least expect it (and usually when you’re least prepared).
Interactions with Others: Even if you’re a gifted savant with the ability to make a fortune online and have lackeys do all your shopping for you, you’re going to interact with others.
Yes, your lackeys count. Thing is, you’re more likely to interact with family, friends and associates and that means understanding relationships. Forget the crap you think you learned in school, or the degenerate call of the wild you experienced in college—it’s time for something meaningful.
Add to that the various relationships you’re likely to experience during the grand search for that significant other. Are you ready for the Codependent, Independent, Dominating, Toxic, Temporary & Long Distance relationships?
Don’t forget knowing how to interact during the crazy family events of the Holidays…
KEY #4 You Must Act, Or You’ll Be Acted Upon
The biggest truth about Adulting that no one’s telling you is this isn’t a choice. This is part of the natural flow of life. Sooner or later, if you don’t embrace this process, you’ll be forced to comply through natural consequences.
Think long and hard about this, because the actual grownups of this world own everything. They control everything. There are rules to interact in their world and they won’t be leaving anytime soon, so the longer you fight this, the more painful it’ll be for you, not them.
Adults don’t give a damn if you like this or not. They don’t give a mouse turd how you feel or if you consider this unfair. Your employer didn’t hire you for your emotional state or belief system, they hired you to accomplish certain tasks. They pay you to accomplish those tasks, not bitch and moan about life.
So the solution to this whole process of Adulting is to embrace it…and to do so on your terms as much as possible.
That’s where we come in.
This is Where I Sell You On An Idea
My oldest is 25 with 5 children and my youngest is 2 (in diapers, which I still change)…so I am still actively engaged in the whole gambit of life experiences. JaimeBuckley.com is dedicated to Adulting & Parenting. As a husband and father of 12, it’s what I do.
…and I’m damn good at it.
What makes this experience a pure joy for me is that my oldest son Evan, a married Millennial and father of 2, works with me. His fresh insights help dictate the challenges we tackle first, his humor and direct approach a breath of fresh air.
Use us as your go to resource.
We already have a series of books on Adulting that’ll have you outperforming your peers as soon as you apply what you learn. There’s zero fluff in what we write. Each book gets right to the point of the problem and then shows you the bold solution so you can get on with your life.
Best part is, most of our critical materials is ‘pay what you can’.
Translation: everyone can afford them (even you)—so if you don’t read them, you’re just choosing to wallow in your own emotional feces.
If you have a need, we cover it in the books, pocketbooks, podcast or on this blog…and if we don’t, all you have to do is ask. Give us a week, you’ll have a clear, concise solution, up to date for 2017 that you can put into motion immediately. Our job is to provide the information you need to make Adulting not only possible, but to help you do it like a boss.
It all starts with a decision on your part.
Here’s What To Do Now
Adulting may just be a popular term in the media right now, but it’s not going anywhere. You’re going to see a dramatic increase in the use of the term for all sorts of reasons, which means if you’re looking for answers—you’ll have to filter through the dross, useless insights and bad puns.
It’ll still be worth it though. The right knowledge will not only empower you and assist you in building a better life, mastering the adult world will help you deflect the random criticisms the Millennial generation experiences.
Take advantage of what we have to offer.
Join our mailing list and accept the push notifications from our website to get the latest tips, strategies and principle-based knowledge.
We even have a podcast for those who need a distraction during their commute or want to learn during work time.
Here’s the thing: If you don’t want to join us here, that’s perfectly okay! Just find a resource that does appeal to you, so you can get the materials you need. Don’t wait to change your life for the better.
Winging it is not a plan.
Ignoring it only makes the situation worse.
Take charge of your life, right here, right now.
One step at a time, one day at a time.
You can do this, but you have to start somewhere.
The only person responsible for your life at this point is you.
Remember—the rest of the world doesn’t give a damn how you feel, they only care how you act.
– Jaime Buckley